


Keep It Together

by samedifference61



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Confessions, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Meditation, Mind Reading, Post TLJ, Spoilers, important elevator conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:01:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samedifference61/pseuds/samedifference61
Summary: When did me against you become us against the world?This is how Supreme Leader and his Commanding General pick up the pieces.





	Keep It Together

**Author's Note:**

> Kylux kind of slapped me in the face about a month ago, so I’m excited to offer up something of my own to this super talented fandom. I don’t actually know what I’m doing yet, so it's very possible some of this is a weird mix of Trek & SW. Sorry. Be gentle.
> 
> *TLJ spoilers ahead!*

_When did me against you become us against the world?_

* * *

“...rendezvous with the  _Annihilator_ at 2200 hours. That gives us enough time to conference with the remaining generals and reassure our investors we’re firmly in command of what remains of the fleet. The mission remains intact. It’s the process that will need adjustments. We’ll simply need time to reorganize some structures that were in place before. Reestablishing the council is our best way to maintain control, and therefore, it’s essential…”  

As they walk side by side through the too-bright hallways, Ren isn’t listening to the rest of Hux’s lecture. It’s designed to reassure himself as much as it is to inform Ren of their immediate course of action.

They’re both aware Hux prefers Ren’s inattention when he goes on like this, particularly after the events of Crait. If Ren isn’t listening, then Hux will be largely autonomous in making whatever decisions are needed to hold the pieces of the First Order together. Ren isn’t interested in commanding Snoke’s military forces, but he still needs the favor of the First Order’s fleet to forge ahead with plans to stomp out what remains of the  _Resistance_.

After another minute, Hux stops short and Ren does the same. Whatever else Hux needs to say requires Ren’s full attention.  

“You cannot hear him in your head any longer, can you?”

It’s unexpected enough that Ren flinches before he can stop himself. He longs to hide behind the helmet he destroyed.

“No,” Ren confirms before Hux is left to wonder. Snoke left Ren’s thoughts when Luke’s lightsaber split his side, their connection permanently severed by Ren’s own hand. It’s still difficult to wrap his mind around how easy it had been.

Ren waits for Hux to ridicule him in disbelief.  _You’re just an insane boy._

Hux only swallows and nods. He looks away when he’s sure Ren has spotted the moment of panic flash behind his eyes. They were all dependent on Supreme Leader Snoke, but that was by design. It's what comes next that has them all reeling.

Hux recovers quickly though and tips his chin forward like a defiant toddler, spits out, “Good,” and continues on down the hallway, not waiting for Ren before he’s on about First Order cohesion again like he never asked the question about Snoke in the first place.

Ren falls into step with Hux once more and takes a breath to center himself, lets the droning familiarity of Hux’s voice wash over him once more.

 _This is where I belong,_ he reminds himself.  _This is what comes next._

Through the Force, he reaches out, feather-light, and tries not to wrap himself too tightly around Hux’s iron-fisted conviction. Ren wonders if he’s too exhausted to shield Hux’s awareness of what he’s doing, but in the end, finds he doesn’t care.

Snoke is gone and neither of them really understands what that means yet.

* * *

Snoke’s absence leaves Ren hollowed out, disoriented and adrift in his own mind. Parsing out his own memories, thoughts, and feelings from those projected onto him by years under Snoke’s manipulation takes hours of meditation each day, leaving Ren mentally drained when Hux comes to him with all the consequential effects of his own succession.

There are decisions to make. Plans to manage. People to convince.

He shouldn’t have come to this meeting, should have left Hux to report back at its conclusion. The conference room aboard the  _Annihilator_ is packed tightly with high-browed, opinionated generals and commanders twice his age. Hux is good enough at placating them with promises of swift victories, but he’s assured Ren his physical presence is essential in keeping their interest.

Their thoughts are a dizzying mix of ruthless ambition and suspicion of the boy-king anointed their new Supreme Leader. It’s hard to keep himself shielded from the sheer magnitude of their egos and it leaves Ren balancing precariously on the edge of his own fight or flight instincts. He can almost feel Luke’s cruel laugh haunting him for the choices he’s made.

_How has it come to this? Is this truly what you wanted?_

Ren is able to control himself until Leia’s name escapes the mouth of one long-nosed commander he recognizes only by vague connections to Arkanis.

“General Leia Organa will pay for what she has done,” this man announces. “Our first priority is to see to her swift execution. Only that will send the message we desire to the loathsome  _Resistance_.”

It’s likely this arrogant fuck is part of the original New-Republic defectors that organized the First Order’s early days in the Outer Rim and-- fully aware of Ren’s personal connection to Leia.

Ren loses time after that, lets the rage fill him up until there’s nothing of himself aside from his mother’s name and the inexplicable need to keep it safe.

He doesn’t kill the man, but it’s a near thing. Ren tightens his Force hold on the man’s neck until he’s gasping for air, wide eyed and finally, gloriously afraid. The room is silent and still and Ren feels the weight of his own power suffocating him from the inside out. Everyone knows who’s in control now, and Ren will not hear Leia Organa’s name spoken aboard this ship again. He isn’t sure if he’s said it aloud, but these people understand him, stunned and nodding. Many of them are gripping the edge of the table like Ren might suck them into a blackhole by sheer will.

Hux stands abruptly, shoulder to shoulder with Ren in a show of solidarity Ren never asked for. The two of them against the universe, it would seem.

Ren reaches out, finds he has to anchor himself somehow or the entire ship will blow apart in his own cloud of rage. He can feel the metal and glass vibrate under his feet like a gentle warning from a pending earthquake. Hux feels it too. There’s a subtle gasp from the people sat around the table when everything starts to shake.

 _Ren, that’s enough._ It’s gentle and soothing and Ren closes his eyes, grits his teeth and tries to breathe.

Willing himself under control, only the glass of the conference room door shatters before he releases the man. Everyone is careful to control their reactions lest they be targeted next.  _Good._ That’s what Ren wanted. The man falls to the ground, useless and heaving, grabbing at phantom burns still lingering at his neck.

Without looking at Hux, Ren storms out of the room, unable to take a complete breath into his lungs while he tries to calm the rage. The shattered glass from the door crunches under his boots.

Hux is at his heels and Ren cannot summon the energy to keep him away.  

Just before the doors to the lift close, Hux squeezes himself in behind Ren. He uses his override code to stop the lift, and Ren grunts at Hux’s audacity. Hux must know how ineffectual it will be in containing him. Ren kills the security camera feed anyway, freezes the frame and sound so they can at least have this out in private.

“I cannot continue defending you when you insist on contradicting every decision I make,” Hux is saying, unfazed by nearly-dead commanders or shattered glass in a fit of rage or how close he's come to his own death in the last week.

Ren slides to the floor of the lift when his need to hide from Hux’s anger outweighs his own pride.

Hux shouts, “Those people in that meeting can have their opinions regardless of how hubristic or vapid they might seem to you or me because they are all we have left of our leadership. If we cannot convince them you are in control, all of it will unravel.”

“I didn’t--” Ren sets his teeth together and stops himself from finishing his sentence with  _I didn’t intend to kill the Commander_ , because, well-- because he would have if Hux hadn’t grounded him back in his body with a soft,  _Ren, that’s enough._

That’s what released him, and Ren is too tired to focus his mind toward understanding why. Without meaning to, Ren brushes against Hux’s mind to center himself and lets out a sigh of relief when Hux is so wide open and inviting. He'll sever it again before Hux notices. Just for a moment longer. Just--

Hux says,  _Anyone who speaks Leia Organa’s name aboard this ship will be executed._ It’s a soothing balm to the fire raging in Ren’s mind, and he doesn’t realize Hux has projected this mentally until Hux is saying, “You heard me, didn’t you?” Already knowing the answer without needing Ren to say it. He’s pleased with himself when he should be afraid. There’s cautious curiosity behind it all too.

This is dangerous when Ren is feeling so unhinged.

Ren shuts the door to Hux’s mind so abruptly, Hux lets out a pained sigh as the thin connection is severed. He’s free of Snoke’s mind. He cannot continue leaning on another no matter how calming its effect.

Ren tips his head back and closes his eyes. He tries not to think too hard about what he needs to confess. “Rey didn’t kill Supreme Leader. I did.” Ren feels the weight of those words leave him just as quickly as Snoke’s voice in his head. It’s better this way, he reasons. Hux doesn't need to understand why, he just needs to know.

Ren is prepared for an angry lecture about his foolishness and to leave this lift in binders. It's what he deserves, and would be preferable to returning to that meeting with those insufferable people. Hux doesn’t need Ren to continue on this path.  

Hux is uncharacteristically silent following Ren’s confession. He doesn’t even look surprised really, just conflicted, like he’s at a crossroads and every instinct is telling him to reassess, backup, begin again. That’s-- not what Ren expected.  

When he does speak, Hux’s voice is level, calculated, but the small twitch in his hands betrays the rest. “That information cannot leave this room. If _they_ found out--”

"They'd have me executed for treason," Ren finishes for him. "And you?” _What do you think about what I’ve done?_ Strangely, Ren finds it’s the only thing he really cares about.

Hux chooses his words carefully, but he stands tall, regaining his composure. “I-- I think I’ve proven myself adaptable in the past. I don’t intend this development to prove otherwise. No, we keep this between us and the plans move ahead as agreed.”

Ren lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. There's comfort in the finality of Hux's words. Ren’s so tired. “I need to meditate. I can’t think about diplomacy or protocol or First Order opinions of my  _fucking_ mother right now. I  _can’t_ \--” he pleads for Hux to understand because he couldn't bear mockery in this moment.

Hux stares at him, brows knit with unasked questions, but for once decides to leave it alone. He only nods and enters his override code once again.

The lift hums back to life, and Ren doesn't leave it in binders.

* * *

Ren mediates.

He keeps to himself as much as he’s able and takes his meals in his rooms. The silence is comforting. It helps him compartmentalize his thoughts, something he finds easier the more he practices. Snoke had always been there as long as Ren could remember, doing this for him, organizing his mind in whatever way best suit his needs. Ren hasn’t had to do it alone in a very long time. There’s still a well of anger brewing under his skin, but Ren finds it easier to control now that Snoke isn’t constantly shoving it toward the surface and using it for his own purposes.

Anger can be a tool when used at the right time.  _Fucking Luke,_ of all people, taught him that a lifetime ago.

Hux is on the bridge more often than not, taking the opposite approach. He’s holding everything together by doing everything himself. Not sleeping. Barely eating. Always in motion, barking orders, and letting everyone know exactly who remains in control here. There’s order aboard the ship now, so Hux’s exhaustive methods are working, but Ren knows there’s a cost to his meticulous work ethic. Without the force to guide him, Hux will burn himself out, and when that happens Ren will need to be strong enough to carry this for both of them.

But, no. There has to be another way.

* * *

The third shift bridge crew are a quiet buzz of collective activity. Hux stands at attention, peering out over the flood of starlight zooming past them. It’s clear the bridge crew are staying as far away from him as possible.

“You should sleep,” Ren says to Hux, standing shoulder to shoulder with him staring out at nothing. They’re days away from their destination.

It’s only a statement of fact, but Hux looks at him like Ren has expressed personal concern for his wellbeing. If he complies, Hux can think what he wants about the reasoning.

Ren says, “I’ve released the two storm troopers you sent to the brig this morning. The lieutenant will remain there until tomorrow. I’ll release him after he’s interviewed and his answers are analyzed for honesty.”

Hux scowls at him. “All three are being held for insubordination and suspected mutiny.”

“I know why they’re there. Whatever you may think, I do read your comm messages. The important ones, at least. I also know being late to shift duty, likely due to exhaustion, is not cause to suspect mutiny.”

“ _You_ weren’t there. I  _have_ cause,” Hux insists, but doesn’t say more, so Ren knows whatever evidence he can provide will be circumstantial at best.

“You should sleep,” Ren restates, hoping it sounds more like a command this time. “I can relieve you until the shift change.”

Hux raises a skeptical eyebrow and opens his mouth to continue arguing, but sighs like he can’t summon the energy. He rubs at his eyes and lets Ren feel the exhaustion pouring from him in waves.

Resigned, Hux says, “I’ll agree on the condition that the bridge remains precisely in the condition I’ve left it.”

Hux is implying he’ll have a tantrum and ruin some piece of impossibly expensive equipment. A fair point based on past experiences, but Ren feels centered in a way that he hasn’t in awhile so, no. Not likely.

“Agreed,” Ren confirms, then adds, “Good night, General.”

Hux nods, stares for a moment longer like there’s something complex he’s trying to work out in his head. There’s nothing hidden in Ren’s words, so he doesn’t offer an explanation.

Ren could scan Hux’s thoughts and instantly know why Hux is looking at him strangely, but the trust building between them is a fragile thing, so he doesn’t pry.

* * *

A few cycles later, they’re in Hux’s office hailing the commanders of the  _Notorious_ to negotiate a timeline, resources, and payment logistics for the completion of the  _Finalizer II_ Star Destroyer on some secret planet in the Outer Rim Ren’s forgotten the name of already. While they listen, or not listen in Ren’s case, Ren can feel Hux’s clumsy attempts at mental projection. Ren is curious enough to let his shields down a little, just enough to allow Hux’s surface thoughts through. The warmth that always overwhelms him when their minds connect flushes his skin, and Ren sits a little straighter in his chair and hopes it isn't noticeable. He wonders if it’s the same for Hux.

Hux doesn’t even blink, keeps nodding along as the commanding officers aboard the  _Notorious_ explain setbacks and approximate dates for their delivery of resources to the construction site for the  _Finalizer II_. He's always been good at multitasking.

 _Why didn’t you kill me too aboard the Supremacy?_ is all Hux is after.

Ren isn’t sure if Hux really doesn’t know the answer or if he just requires affirmation. Regardless, it's easy enough to give.

_You thought I could do any of this without you?_

Ren is specifically referring to the monotonous meeting they’re sitting through, but he supposes the same could be said for everything in the last month.

 _I thought about killing you that day,_ Hux continues, keeping his eyes on the datapad as he types notes. He projects this like it’s something important he feels Ren should know.

That's-- thoughtful.

He gives Hux a mental shrug to show he’s not surprised. Ren would expect nothing less. If their positions had been reversed, he’s sure he would have done the same.

* * *

When they walk the corridors together from meeting to bridge, the crew avoid them or keep their heads down, cowering with their backs to the walls. Hux seems to count this as progress, but it makes Ren uneasy. He notices details like this more often without Snoke taking up so much of his headspace. Leadership can be about fear, but fear doesn’t inspire loyalty when it’s most needed. This is a conclusion he could have used aboard the _Annihilator_ , but he also can't change the past, can only learn from it, carry on.

Ren knows something must be done to keep Hux centered, but he’s not sure what that is yet.

* * *

Ren is meditating when the comm line announces a visitor. It’s Hux, of course. Ren can feel him mentally, but also no one would come here at this hour aside from Hux.

Ren releases the lock on the door without moving from his position on the bed. He only has on a pair of leggings he uses for cardio at the officers’ gym, but he hardly feels Hux should mind. He’s the one interrupting. Ren doesn’t open his eyes when Hux clops across the living spaces and stands just inside the bedroom detached by the privacy wall.

Ren sits perfectly still and waits.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Hux shouts like they're already having a conversation. He’s dressed in proper uniform, greatcoat down to his regulation officer’s boots, fresh from the bridge. Ren can feel the tightly-wound stress clinging to him like a vacuum seal. “I feel as though we should eject half, no  _two thirds_ of this crew, onto Hoth and leave them to rot. The lot of them are useless and I cannot fathom how any of the bridge crew have become ranking officers.”

“Rot would be unlikely on Hoth.”

Hux snorts. “I see your point, but freezing to death achieves the same objective."

Ren frowns. “Is there something specific you’re after, or is the concern general incompetency according to your own impossible standards?”

“ _My_ impossible standards  _are_ the issue here. I cannot hold this together with my own two hands, Ren. I’d appreciate--”

Hux goes on but Ren stops listening. If Hux continues like this, he’ll snap in two, and Ren needs Hux, his nagging, his threats, his high standards, and everything else that comes with it. All of it.

Ren considers this for a moment. If Hux rejects what he’s preparing to suggest, it may upset the trust they’ve established.

Ren cuts him off midsentence with, “Come here.” 

“What? No,” Hux refuses automatically, faced screwed up like he's tasted something wretched. "You need to show your face once in awhile. I've come to fetch _you_."

Ren tries again. “Take off your coat and boots and come here.”

Hux doesn’t move. Ren lets out an exasperated sound and explains further. “You’ll need to be comfortable to meditate properly because you don’t know what you’re doing. Also you’re not sitting on my bed dressed as if we’ll be at war any moment.”

Hux looks horrified at the suggestion of meditation, or maybe just at the suggestion of sitting on Ren’s bed. Ren won’t offer again. He closes his eyes and tries to center his mind. It isn’t easy when Hux is still hovering, waffling between rejection and compliance in the most annoying way possible.

“If this is some kind of cruel joke at my expense, I can promise you this will be the last thing--”

“Shut your mouth,” Ren growls, but realizes how harsh it sounds and softens his voice when he adds, “Come here or get out.”

There’s a minute of silence followed by further grumbling and shuffling of clothing. Hux walks away, paces back a few times, but when he finally does return to stand at the foot of the bed his tread has become softer without the boots.

When Ren opens his eyes, Hux has removed his coat and hat and gloves. His feet are bare and his belt is removed too. He’s unbuttoned his collared shirt and the white regulation undershirt is visible beneath. There’s some uneasy shifting before Hux settles himself on the bed opposite Ren. He sits with his back to the edge. Feeling the tug of a smile, Ren is careful to keep his expression neutral.

Ren’s first thought is Hux really is quite small without the uniform, but he's more accessible like this too.

He shoves that aside, says, “Closer. Cross your legs.”

When Hux doesn’t move, Ren sighs heavily and shuffles forward on hands and knees. There’s nowhere for Hux to go before he falls off the bed, so he stays where he is, back going rigid when Ren’s knees bump into his.

“Stop looking at me like I’m going to gouge your eyes out with my lightsaber,” Ren murmurs, hating that he has to say this aloud. “You couldn’t get to your blaster fast enough to stop me anyway,” he adds, maybe just because he can.

“I’m not--” Hux begins, but then shuts his mouth because that’s precisely what he was thinking, or some variation on the same concept, and Ren doesn’t have to read his mind to see it.

“Have you done this before?” Ren asks.

“Sat on your bed with you touching me?” Hux smiles, all cunning teeth while he regains some of his dignity. “No, I cannot say that’s ever happened before.”

Ren glares at him. “If you’re not going to take this seriously then leave.”

Ren isn’t offering this to play mind games for an hour. Hux needs to get out of his head, and this will help, but only if he lets it.

Hux says, “I am, and I do understand the basics. Close your eyes. Empty your mind. Don’t think about things that stress you and they instantly float away, like little birds.” He gestures vaguely behind him, mocking. “I’m not going to make any promises I can actually do that. Really, I should be on the bridge right now doing something consequential.”

Ren stares at him, losing patience.

“What?” Hux protests, sounding petulant. This is Hux being defensive because he’s uncomfortable. Ren has to keep this in mind above his own annoyance. They’ll start slowly because it won’t work unless Hux buys into the process.

“There’s nothing right or wrong about meditation. The only objective is inward self reflection. No sarcasm. No questions. Just-- don’t talk at all. I can guide you, but I won’t touch your mind in any noticeable way. You’re not ready for that.”

It's Ren who's unprepared, afraid his control will dissolve when faced with Hux’s inviting mind, but Hux doesn’t need to know that.

“First you listen, and then you do,” Ren explains. “Close your eyes.”  Hux sighs, but does as he's told. He rests his hands on his knees with his palms up like he’s probably seen in holofilms. Ren does smile then.

“Breathe normally. Don’t think about what I’m saying, just do it. Count backward from ten and let your mind take you forward. Don’t fight the silence. You don’t have to fill it. What’s most important will come to the surface. Focus in on this. It’s not about emptying your mind, it’s about clarity of thought...”

Ren watches Hux carefully, and finds himself remembering those early days when Leia would do this with him. It helped when he was so young; the kind of shared meditation that allowed him freedom to sink within his own mind. That was before Snoke, when Leia had more time to worry over her Force sensitive son with doting affection. Ren misses the touch of her mind and the warm synchronicity that came with it.

Hux’s breathing is calm and his body is still. All good signs. Ren brushes against Hux’s mind, just a touch, just to know if Hux has settled into it yet. His thought impressions are stilted and without much organization, but he has chosen something specific to settle on. Something warm and pleasant that draws Ren in like a siren song, and he wonders if Hux is purposefully reaching for him. No, that’s not the point of this, and Hux wouldn't know how to do that anyway. Ren can hardly expect him to meditate perfectly on the first try. That will come with practice.

When he’s satisfied, Ren closes his own eyes and lets his own mind go. Just for a few minutes. Hux won’t manage much more that that. Ren finds it hard to concentrate on anything other than Hux when he's in such close proximity, so he lets those thoughts present themselves in barely formed impressions. Warmth. Safety. Calm. Protection. And everything interlaced with Need. Maybe in time, this can turn into something more. Ren finds himself craving that connection. 

When Ren opens his eyes again, he’s calm and centered. Hux is quietly staring at him, and his mind is wide open and buzzing, calling out to Ren while his cheeks are flushed, eyes half lidded.

“There’s something I’m trying to show you,” Hux whispers. “Is it working?”

When Ren reaches forward, there’s an unexpected glow of arousal coloring everything in Hux’s thoughts. Ren sits back like he’s been burned and his mind starts to spin away from the calm he’d established moments ago.

“What are you doing?” Ren barks.

“You’re impossible,” Hux says aloud, rolling his eyes. “I’ve just spent ten minutes thinking about how much I want you to fuck me into your own bed and you haven’t bothered to pick up on any of it? I’m either really bad at this, or you’re refusing to see what’s right in front of you. For all your Force capabilities, you should really learn to pay attention.”

“That’s not how meditation works,” Ren sputters because it’s the only thing he can think to say while the rest of his thoughts desperately try to catch up.  

“In the end, I have to do absolutely everything myself, don’t I?” Hux doesn’t give him a chance to fully express his outrage, just crawls forward until he’s close enough to reach behind Ren’s neck and bring their lips together in an unforgiving kiss.

Ren should have known Hux would be an insolent little shit about meditation. He never wastes an opportunity to surprise Ren with the unexpected especially when it serves his own selfish purposes, so why should this be any different?

“I promise we can work on meditation later. I need something else from you right now, and it’s better if you just shut up and give it to me,” Hux says against his lips, already shrugging off his unbuttoned shirt and reaching for the ties at Ren’s leggings.

Suddenly Ren can’t hold back the barrage of images that play through his subconscious, sticking to him all at once like tiny magnets. Hux naked on hands and knees, Hux sucking his cock, mouth wet and shining, Hux biting a mark into his hip that he’ll feel for days. Ren shuts it down to keep himself together. He can’t concentrate on what’s right in front of him with Hux’s mind so open and wanting.

“I should punish you for your lack of compliance, General,” Ren growls, because he can certainly play this game too.

“I’m open to suggestions,” Hux replies, entirely unconcerned and just shy of provoking him.

Ren is stunned, like the floor beneath them has shifted without him realizing.

“How long? How long have you--”

Hux scoffs. “Has this not been the direction we’ve been hurtling toward since the beginning?”

Ren thinks about that for a moment, hearing his own harsh breathing and the beat of his heart too loud against his ears. Maybe. Yes, maybe.

 _Let’s see where it leads us_ , Ren thinks, letting the words drift across the space between them. There's nothing left to fear. No more secrets between them. Hux closes his eyes and lets out a little sigh like he’s sinking into a warm bath. It’s entirely possible Ren attached more of his own emotions to those words than he had intended. He tries to bury his head into Hux’s shoulder to hide his face, to apologize for letting more escape than Hux was ready to receive.

_I’m right here. Let me in. I can take it. I want it._

They’re too mixed up in each other’s emotions to know which thoughts belong to whom. The words echo between them until they’re just impressions wrapped in the warm glow that keeps binding them together.

Ren isn’t even aware he’s hard until Hux’s insistent hands are pulling his cock free from his leggings.

Hux is a little panicked when he says, “If you’re going to fuck me, we’ll need--”

“That’s all it takes? My cock to get you to ease up on the crew and stop trying to prove yourself to everyone? I would have done this months ago, if only I’d known.”

“Don’t ruin this with your enormous ego,” Hux is grumbling. He’s reaching toward the bedside table like he knows exactly what he’ll find there, still trying to do everything himself.

The contents of the bedside table tip over so abruptly Hux’s eyes go wide in surprise. The small tube of lube comes to Ren’s outstretched hand without him having to look at it, and Hux squeezes Ren’s cock hard enough that Ren has to close his eyes to concentrate on breathing.

Lying on his back, Hux squirms out of his undershirt and breeches while Ren hovers above him, not caring that the leggings are still pinching around his thighs. Since it appears they’re actually doing this, he coats his cock in lube and Hux pushes forward until his knees are pressed all along Ren’s bare torso.

Hux grits his teeth when Ren nudges up against his entrance, waiting for a painful push that he’s too stubborn to refuse. Instead, Ren teases himself all along Hux’s balls and perineum making a mess of the sheets with the lube. Just when he's certain it would be satisfying to come just like this, Hux becomes impatient and squirts some lube onto his own fingers, before using them to open himself up.

Hux's cheeks flush with shame, but his eyes are nearly closed with arousal too, and Ren bites kisses into Hux's jaw, hides his smile in Hux’s hair and rubs circles of encouragement into his hips while he waits.

When Ren finally does push in, Hux arches back with his mouth opened wide. He catches Ren staring and he snaps his mouth shut with a sneer, daring him to say something.

Ren doesn’t, just nuzzles into Hux’s jawline and tries not to crush Hux under his weight. Hux scrapes at the small of his back until Ren pushes forward and bottoms out, hips snug against Hux’s thighs.

_Let it go. Let me take care of you._

Hux lets his arms fall behind them, breathing through the intensity. Hux nods, shifts his hips forward until a choked off sound escapes his throat, and his mouth is open wide again.

The rest happens on instinct, and Hux is pliant and moaning into the forearm that covers his face while Ren moves above him. Ren’s sure they’ll be an imprint of his fingers wrapped around Hux’s right thigh when they’ve finished. He's also sure Hux will complain loudly but also revel in it. Ren fully intends to take advantage of that knowledge later.

Ren won’t apologize for how quickly he comes. It’s been fucking forever since he’s had any interest at all in intercourse. To keep him focused, Snoke dampened any desires Ren had when he was younger, and when the want floods through him once again, he won’t pretend he has the strength to hold himself together. They have time to make up for all that was lost wavering between compliance and resistance. Ren has to believe it. _He has to._ Hux pets his face through his orgasm, combs through the sweat clinging to his hair, and presses a kiss to his forehead. It’s gentler than anything Ren has experienced in his life, but he finds he actually _likes_ it.

Ren rolls them so Hux is on top and watches Hux bring himself off against Ren’s chest, hair sweat matted and thighs trembling as he tumbles closer. Ren finds he doesn’t even mind the come leaking onto his thighs where Hux is still stretched open from his cock. Hux comes with a startled moan when Ren pushes three fingers back inside of him, exploring the warm slide of his own come against the heat of Hux’s body, and _fuck_ , he likes that too.

* * *

They don’t exactly talk about it after. They don’t really need to talk about it.

Their plans move forward, and the First Order grows stronger with them. The  _Finalizer II_ is completed and they select a new crew from the remains of the old. If anyone notices the Supreme Leader and his Commanding General's quarters join through a common room, no one is daft enough to mention it.

“Why is it so easy for me to project my thoughts toward you?” Hux asks when they’ve found themselves alone in the lift one day. There’s nothing mocking or sarcastic to his tone. He’s calm, curious, relaxed. Ren will take at least some credit for that last bit.

Ren freezes the security camera from recording their conversation, and Hux rolls his eyes.  _I don’t care what they think they understand about us._ Ren chooses to ignore him and answers the question instead.

“You’re not force sensitive, but I can use the Force to direct your thoughts. It’s like--” Ren always struggles to explain the Force to someone who can’t experience it directly. With Hux, he finds himself wanting to try. “It’s like emptying all the matter of the universe into a funnel and having the tools to filter out what you need to make sense of it. I can pick out what you want me to hear. Surface feedback.”

Hux stares forward, arms crossed at his chest. “Sometimes I can feel you when I’m not trying to project. It’s warm, like you're wrapping your arms around me and holding on tightly. Borrowing something but then returning it to me.”

Ren looks down, embarrassed and hopeful all at once. Hux shouldn’t have felt what he was doing. He’ll not attempt it again.

“No. If it helps you, makes you stronger, I don’t mind.” Ren doesn’t have any right to hope for this, to want to hold Hux's trust in his hands and protect it. Hux doesn’t understand what he’s offering, and Ren barely understands what he's taking.

“What happens if I open everything to you? My memories in particular,” Hux asks. “Or if you let me push into your mind? If we do it at the same time?”

“I don’t know,” Ren answers honestly. “Probably nothing. But, maybe-- something.”

Hux nods and doesn’t pursue the issue. They have time to figure it out.

Ren doesn’t believe in destiny. He can’t believe the mistakes of the past are his to repeat. He's failed on so many levels, but he can't believe that. There is only action and reaction. With Snoke's departure, there's only Hux, the bed they often share, the First Order, the Force, and the wide open possibilities each offers.

They have time.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m [samedifference61](http://samedifference61.tumblr.com) on tumblr if anyone wants to shout with me about TLJ. 
> 
> Edit: Thank you all for such a warm welcome!


End file.
